200 Bad Jokes That Are Impressively Good

There are plenty of joke categories, but none other gets as much attention as the bad joke category. The stuff that is so bad that it becomes belly achingly hilarious has been known since the dawn of Earth. It has relentlessly followed humanity throughout its stages of development. And while in the prehistoric ages, one might’ve found themselves laughing at ‘ooga booga,’ then as early as the Middle Ages, it was common to laugh at depictions of knights fighting snails. This was probably considered the lamest joke ever, but even after eons have passed, we still find it so bad that it’s funny. And while most of these bad jokes now come in the visual form of memes, the written word still prevails, and we have proof of it – this thorough list of funny bad jokes!


To make it even, we’ve discovered that plenty of sub-categories fall under the umbrella of bad jokes. There, of course, are some lame puns in here and, needless to say, quite a few dad jokes. And with such an array of categories, the topics are practically inexhaustible. So, from fishing matters to teachers and from kids to horses, there indeed is a joke for you, me, and all the rest of the gang. All that’s left to do here is to check out the lame jokes and see which ones you find the greatest. Once the winners are discerned, be sure to vote for them so they can live on forever in the Universe of the Internet. Also, don’t forget to share these silly jokes with those around you; you might make their day so much brighter!

I got fired from my job at the bank today. An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.


I will never understand why manslaughter is illegal. Men should be able to laugh at whatever they want.


 

Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject. Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.


My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the National Zoo.


What concert costs only 45 cents? 50 Cent and Nickelback.

I just wrote a book on reverse psychology. Do not read it.

 

What did the buffalo say when his son left? Bison!

Where do spiders seek health advice? WebMD.

Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing!

Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight. There would be mass confusion!

Why was the snowman looking through a bag of carrots? He was picking his nose.

A guy told me, “Nothing rhymes with orange.” So I replied, “No it doesn’t.”

I have an addiction to cheddar cheese. But it’s only mild.

Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion in less than five moves. Finally my high school karate lessons came to some use.

There are three types of people in the world: Those who can count and those who can’t.

They told me a mask was enough to get into the supermarket. They lied, everybody else was also wearing pants.

I wasn’t going to visit my family this December, but my mom promised to make me Eggs Benedict. So I’m going home for the hollandaise.

I broke my arm in two places. You know what the doctor told me? Stay out of those places!

What’s the most terrifying word in nuclear physics? Oops!

I tried to organize a professional Hide-and-Seek tournament, but it was a complete failure. Good players are hard to find.

I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey but then I turned myself around.

What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

Fun fact: Australia’s biggest export is boomerangs. It’s also their biggest import.

I’m not a big fan of stairs. They’re always up to something.

Three fish are in a tank. One asks the others, “How do you drive this thing?”

My dad’s answer to everything is alcohol. He doesn’t drink, it’s just that he’s really bad at crossword puzzles.

This sweet ride has four wheels and flies. It’s a garbage truck.

What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but its flag is a big plus!

I still remember the last thing my grandfather said before kicking the bucket: “Hey, you want to see how far I can kick this bucket?”

Where does the general keep his armies? In his sleevies.

What did the drummer call his two twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two.

What do you call a hippie’s wife? A Mississippi!

A chicken coup only has two doors. If it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.

What kind of tea is hard to swallow? Reality.

I’m really excited for the next autopsy club. It’s open Mike night!

A cowherd counted 48 cows on his property. But when he rounded them up, he had 50.

What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung? The guardians of the Galaxy.

What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common? Same middle name.

A communist joke isn’t funny unless everyone gets it.

Did you hear the rumor about butter? Never mind, I shouldn’t spread it.

What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies!

What does a zombie vegetarian eat? Graaaaaaaains!

What do you call an empty can of Cheese Whiz? Cheese Was.

I broke my finger last week. On the other hand, I’m ok.

I like to spend every day as if it’s my last. Staying in bed and calling for a nurse to bring me more pudding.

What’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants? One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.

I sold my vacuum the other day. All it was doing was collecting dust.

A man and a giraffe walk into a bar. After a few drinks, the giraffe falls over and dies. The man begins to walk out when the bartender stops him. “Hey, you can’t leave that lyin’ there!” The bartender yells out. The man turns around: “It’s not a lion. It’s a giraffe.”

Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward. That’s just how I roll.

What do you call a belt made out of watches? A waist of time.

Two muffins were sitting in an oven. One turned to the other and said, “Wow, it’s pretty hot in here.” The other one shouted, “Wow, a talking muffin!”

When is your door not actually a door? When it’s ajar.

It’s inappropriate to make a “dad joke” if you are not a dad. It’s a faux pa.

My daughter thinks I don’t give her enough privacy. At least that’s what she wrote in her diary.

What kind of streets do ghosts haunt? Dead ends!

What do you call a magician dog? A labracadabrador.

What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto!

Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it’d be a foot.

You’re not completely useless. You can always serve as a bad example.

Why was the math teacher late to work? She took the rhombus.

Why are there gates around cemeteries? Because people are dying to get in!

I was sitting in traffic the other day. Probably why I got run over.

How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles.

Who’s there? Interrupting cow. Interrupting c– MOO!

The wedding was so beautiful. Even the cake was in tiers.

Why can’t you trust an atom? Because they make up everything.

Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!

What did the blanket say as it fell off the bed? Oh sheet!

What’s green, fuzzy, and would hurt if it fell on you out of a tree? A pool table.

There’s no hole in your shoe? Then how’d you get your foot in it?

What do you give a sick bird? Tweetment.

What do you call a boomerang that never comes back? A stick.

Why don’t dinosaurs talk? Because they’re dead.

My new thesaurus is terrible. Not only that, but it’s also terrible.

Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they’re bagels!

Why can’t you hear a Pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the pee is silent.

Have you heard of the band 923 Megabytes? Probably not, they haven’t had a gig yet.

Wait, you don’t want to hear a joke about potassium? K.

What do you call HIJKLMNO? H20!

A dyslexic man walks into a bra. Get it?

Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them.

What do you give to a sick lemon? Lemon aid!

I hate Russian dolls. They’re so full of themselves.

What sound does a nut make when it sneezes? Cashew!

Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? Because he always gets a hole in one!

What is Forrest Gump’s email password? 1forrest1.

Before the invention of the wheel… everything was a drag!

What do you call it when Dwayne Johnson buys a cutting tool? Rock pay-for scissors.

Why do cow-milking stools only have three legs? ‘Cause the cow’s got the udder!

I used to hate facial hair but then it grew on me.

What’s the award for being best dentist? A little plaque.

Why do ghosts love elevators? Because it lifts their spirits.

What’s the best way to carve wood? Whittle by whittle.

What did the lawyer wear to court? A lawsuit!

How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Just follow the fresh prints!

What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.

What did Yoda say when he saw himself in 4K? HDMI.

What did the duck say when she bought a lipstick? Put it on my bill!

What did the little mountain say to the bigger mountain? Hi Cliff!

What do you call a farm that makes bad jokes? Corny!

What did Winnie the Pooh say to his agent? Show me the honey!

What do you call birds who stick together? Vel-crows.

What happens when a frog’s car breaks down? It gets toad!

Why is Peter Pan always flying? He neverlands.

How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas? He felt his presents.

Why do you smear peanut butter on the road? To go with the traffic jam.

What does a house wear? Address!

What’s the dumbest animal in the jungle? A polar bear!

Did you hear about the two thieves who stole a calendar? They each got six months.

I’m terrified of elevators so I’m going to start taking steps to avoid them.

I watched hockey before it was cool. They were basically swimming.

Why don’t crabs donate? Because they’re shellfish.

How does your feline shop? By reading a catalogue.

It’s hard to teach kleptomaniacs humor. They take things so literally.

Five guys walk into a bar. You think one of them would’ve seen it.

How many bugs do you need to rent out an apartment? Ten-ants.

What did Mario say when he broke up with Princess Peach? “It’s not you, it’s a-me!”

Why did the teacher love the whiteboard? She just thought it was remarkable!

What did the mime say to his audience? Nothing.

Why were they called the Dark Ages? There were lots of knights.

I’d like to go to Holland someday. Wooden shoe?

The guy that invented the umbrella was gonna call it the brella. But he hesitated.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef!

When’s the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurtie!

What kind of dogs love car racing? Lap dogs!

Today I gave my dead batteries away. They were free of charge.

My favorite word is “drool.” It just rolls off the tongue.

What do you call someone who immigrated to Sweden? Artificial Swedener.

I’m thinking about removing my spine. I feel like it’s only holding me back.

Why did the man get fired from his job at the calendar factory? He took a couple days off!

What did the clock do when it was hungry? It went back four seconds.

What did Blackbeard say when he turned 80? Aye, matey.

What do you call a man who can’t stand? Neil.

Wife: “How do I look?” Husband: “With your eyes.”

Do you remember that joke I told you about my spine? It was about a weak back!

Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless!

Who invented the round table? Sir Cumference.

What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work? A can’t opener!

Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke? He won the “no-bell” prize.

What do you call an alligator in a vest? An in-vest-igator.

What do you call a psychic little person who has escaped from prison? A small medium at large.

What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car? Robin, get in the car.

What did one dish say to the other? Dinner is on me!

Where do mansplainers get their water? From a well, actually.

I put my root beer into a square glass. Now it’s just beer.

I went on a once-in-a-lifetime vacation. Never again.

Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up? Because it was too tired.

Don’t worry if you miss a gym session. Everything will work out.

Who can jump higher than a house? Pretty much anyone.

How do you organize a space-themed hurrah? You planet.

How do you feel when there’s no coffee? Depresso.

Where did the king keep his armies? Up his sleevies.

Did you hear about the fire in the shoe factory? 10,000 soles were lost. The police said some heels started it.

What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor? Make me one with everything.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pool? Bob.

What kind of pants does Mario wear? Denim, denim, denim.

What do bees do if they need a ride? Wait at the buzz stop!

What’s the last thing that goes through a bug’s mind when it hits a windshield? Its butt.

What’s red and shaped like a bucket? A blue bucket painted red.

What don’t ants get sick? They have anty-bodies.

Why are social media influencers afraid when they go to the woods alone at night? They’re constantly being followed.

What do you call a dangerous sun shower? A rain of terror!

When the two rabbit ears got married, it was a nice ceremony. But the reception was amazing.

Sunny-side up, scrambled, or an omelet? It doesn’t matter. They’re all eggcellent.

Ever tried to eat a clock? It’s time-consuming.

What did the finger say to the thumb? I’m in glove with you.

What do sprinters eat before a race? Nothing, they fast.

How can you make seven an even number? Just take away the “s”!

What did the fish say when he swam into a wall? Dam.

What’s the difference between a rabbit and a plum? They’re both purple except for the rabbit.

I like elephants. Everything else is irrelephant.

Two guys walk into a bar. The third guy ducks.

Why does Snoop Dogg use an umbrella? For drizzle.

Did you hear the story about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed some space.

My boss just texted me, “Send me one of your funny jokes!”

What do you tell actors to break a leg? Because every play has a cast!

Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was outstanding in his field.

Have you heard the one about the corduroy pillow? It’s making headlines.

Why did the businessman invest in Smith & Wollensky? He wanted to stake his claim.

I want to go camping every year. That trip was so in tents.

What to hear a joke about paper? Never mind, it’s tearable.

What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? He pasta-way.

What do you call a fly with no wings? A walk.

Do you use your right hand to stir your coffee? I use a spoon.

How does the squid go into battle? Well-armed.

Want to hear a roof joke? This one’s on the house.

Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de Brie.

What do you call banana peel shoes? Slippers.

What kind of car runs on leaves? An autumn-mobile!

What do you call a monkey that loves Doritos? A chipmunk!

What do you call it when one cow spies on another? A steak out!

What are the biggest enemies of caterpillars? Dogerpillers.

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It’s fine, he eventually woke up!

What kind of dinosaur loves to sleep? Well, now, all of them.

Where did the computer go dancing? The disc-o!

Why didn’t the astronaut come home to his wife? He needed his space.

What do an apple and an orange have in common? Neither one can drive.

 

Your ex. That’s the punchline.

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