MEGASTAR DJ Avicii wrote about his heartbreaking struggle with dignity that on some days he could stay at home.
The 28-year-old Swedish music star died while on vacation in Oman in 2018 after years of struggling with alcohol and pain reliever addiction.
In the new biography of Tim, written by Mons Moseson, the true extent of the DJ’s suffering is revealed in his own diary entries.
One entry showed that he was so shy about his acne that he didn’t want to leave the house.
“Acne was first introduced into my life and has had a huge impact on my self-esteem,” reads the entry.
“Skipped classes on days with severe acne. She didn’t let me go out on weekends, she still continued, but only when my skin was clean enough.
“Complete lack of interest on the part of the girls.”
According to his biographer, Avici, whose real name was Tim, later struggled with his skin as well.
Mons described how the DJ visited doctors in different parts of Sweden to treat acne and tried everything from cortisone ointments to concealers “but nothing worked.”
“He thought it sucked to get hung up on stains like that,” wrote the author.
“This quality he did not like, he kind of turned himself on and began to think about catastrophic thoughts.”
When Tim imagined how people were looking at him and his skin, “he was almost paralyzed.”
When told in 2012 to quit alcohol after binge drinking led to the development of agonizing pancreatitis, Avici – Tim Bergling’s real name – documented his difficulties in accepting a diagnosis.
He wrote: “I could hardly accept that I would never drink again, although all doctors strongly recommended to wait at least a year before even drinking beer …
“Of course I didn’t listen to most of the doctors, I listened to a couple who said it would be okay if I’m careful. I was ignorant and naive and traveled the world while still on an endless tour – because since you got around it, you know what? …
“You start over and over again.”
The DJ whose hits Levels, Wake Me Up and The Nights catapulted him to worldwide fame has spent years traveling the world, going from one night gig to the next, all the while battling ill health.
The documentary Avicii: True Stories, released a year before his death, showed the star, with visible pain, claiming that his grueling lifestyle would kill him. His schedule was so busy that Tim found solace recovering from his illness in the hospital.
He wrote: “Those days in the hospital were the most anxious and carefree days I can remember of the last six years, they were my real holidays, as depressing as it may sound …
“The relief from going from severe pain to no pain, knowing that no one expects anything other than that you wait it out (this is the only way to cure pancreatitis) and then heal, was overwhelming. It was a tremendous relief given the madness of the schedule that I’ve stuck to this point. “
In 2015, a year after his ruptured appendix and gallbladder were removed – the latest in an attempt to help his pancreatitis – Avici ended up in rehab in Ibiza for $ 13,400 a week.
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His family organized an intervention after he was unable to quit drinking and rely on pain relievers; Tim had previously sought a private doctor in Los Angeles to keep prescribing for him.
Talking about his stay on the Spanish island, he said: “I had to explain it very logically and in the style of a caveman, so that I really understand his nature and how he hurt me. Oh, pain. Why am I hurting now? Inconvenient. feeling…
“Future Tim will handle the pain. Future Tim will handle the pain better than the current Tim because there are already too many real pains to deal with. “
Although Avicii ditched live performances in 2016 to protect his physical and mental health, the fight continued.
He turned to meditation, trying to overcome his suffering, and spent hours trying to reach a state of deep consciousness.
“It feels like I’m in a new default lifestyle that is very new and a little scary,” he wrote. “I felt like the fears of the last two days had caused chaos in me, but I remember the advice to focus on my breathing.”
You can find support services for those struggling with alcohol or drug abuse. here…
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