For refusing to lend money to her stepfather, the woman is told that he should not have abused her as a child.

When one parent begins a new relationship and the stranger becomes the new parent, children can react in many different ways. They may really like the person, reject them or tolerate them because they know their parents are happy.

Children’s negative reactions are understandable, but when adults clearly do not try to treat all children equally, it causes anxiety and resentment deepens. Children should not be surprised when they grow up and no longer consider them family.


But it happens more often than you think. This woman on Reddit saw it firsthand when her stepfather, who didn’t care about her as a child, went to her for a loan because her biological daughter needed money for a down payment.

More information: Reddit

The woman had never felt that her stepfather was her family, so his reasoning for asking for money was not convincing.

Image credit: Micah Baldwin (not original photo)

The original poster (OP) is now 29 and her mother married her stepfather when she was 10. The woman’s father was absent and her mother was working a minimum wage job, but the stepfather was fine and the family was now living in a big house and a nice neighborhood.


The problem was that the stepfather didn’t treat his stepchildren, who were OP and his older brother Luke, the same way he treated his biological daughters Amy and Ada, who were 12 and 11.

Amy and Ada had separate rooms while OP and Luke had to share a room even though there was another spare room in the house. But the stepfather refused to allow the children to use that room because their mother was contributing less to the house, so she had to use it less.


It was agreed from the beginning that the husband and wife would have separate finances and take care of their children separately, but it seemed unfair that the stepfather would take his children and wife on vacation a few times a year. Will but leave his stepchildren.

The woman is now 29 years old and when she was 10 years old, her mother married her stepfather and the whole family including her elder brother moved in with her.

Image credit: 692 MPLMN

The stepchildren were clearly abused and emotionally abused, but their mother believed that as long as they lived in a good home everything was fine. Some people in the comments caught this detail and, remembering that the family came from a poor background, believed that the mother thought it was better than struggling to pay the rent in a crumbling apartment.

The children did not agree and were determined to become financially independent when given the opportunity. This woman became a software engineer in a large company and bought herself a house before turning 30. His older brother was also doing very well financially and after moving out, he didn’t really have contact with his stepfather or stepsisters.

Mom had a minimum wage job, so the new life was very different because they were living in a big house located in a nice neighborhood.

Image credit: 692 MPLMN

But recently he met his mother and met his stepfather, who asked for financial help at this point. It turns out that Amy is pregnant and wants to buy a house, but she needs another £50k for her deposit and given that OP and Luke already own houses, they can help their sister out. .

The stepfather promised to repay the money with his inheritance, but both the OP and his brother refused. Not only because she didn’t believe she would inherit it, but because she didn’t want to. Because he happily helped his cousin buy a house, it wasn’t a money issue.

However, the parents kept their finances separate so that the stepchildren could not afford them good things and had to share even with a spare room.

Image credit: 692 MPLMN

Stepfather brings up the family argument and that they should help each other, so OP reminds him of how he treated his own family when he was a child. Apparently the stepfather regretted supporting his daughters in the past, but that didn’t change the OP’s mind because he admitted his mistake when Luke and the OP were already free and had nothing to do with it anymore. wanted.

Although what the woman said was true and correct, her mother believed that she did not need her childhood upbringing to reject the loan application. The OP wouldn’t have even mentioned this if the stepfather had just assumed she wasn’t going to give her daughter any money, but having them call a family to demand money is pretty far-fetched.

This forced the woman and her brother to become independent as soon as possible and now they both have their own homes.

Image credit: 692 MPLMN

People in the comments agreed that the stepfather mentioning that the family needs to support each other was asking for the answer that the OP gave. He was also quite disappointed with the OP’s mother for not standing up for her children.

Mike and Kim coaching They say that stepparents shouldn’t be expected to love their stepchildren the way they do their biological children because it takes time, but even if you don’t love them as much. are, you can still be fair in the way you treat them.

They distinguish between love and kindness: “Doing favors is different from love…and favors are a double-edged sword. It can be relatively easy for a stepparent to support a stepchild—be friendly, supportive, and kind to them.” behavior. But when biological children are part of the dynamic, it can become something else entirely. Favoritism often looks like preferential treatment or favoritism toward biological relatives.”

The stepfather’s biological daughter also plans to buy a house, but she needs more money for a down payment, so she asks the woman to contribute.

Image credit: 692 MPLMN

There are some obvious ways in which favoritism manifests itself and Family life Alerts parents if they feel one child is regularly getting more expensive gifts than others, if they punish some children more than others, or if they give them more chores and responsibilities. It’s normal to spend more time with your children, but experts advise to balance it and give each child your attention.

It is important to maintain a balance, as favoritism in blended families has serious consequences. Children may become resentful of both parents, and feeling unloved can lead to psychological problems. It also potentially ruins the relationship between half-siblings so like the OP, they may not feel like a family even though they are by definition.

She refuses and when the stepfather doesn’t stop insisting and telling her that families help each other, the woman reminds her of how she was treated as a child.

Image credit: 692 MPLMN

The woman’s mother was a little harsh though because the man regretted his behavior, so she asked if he was right.

Image credit: k.steudel (not original photo)

What do you think about this story? Do you think that because the OP was able to live in a nice home, she now has to owe her stepfather’s daughter a loan that she knows she won’t get back? Or do you agree with others who don’t think the man deserves it? Let us know your thoughts in the comments.

Redditors felt sorry for what the woman went through and didn’t think she owed the man anything, stating that her mother was a jerk in the situation.

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