Guy told this woman she was a ‘horrible girl’ for making food out of leftovers

As the saying goes, the best way to win someone’s heart is through their stomach. There is nothing better than listening to the soothing sounds of a homemade feast and filling your stomach with delicious dishes that express your love and devotion to each other. So it’s not just about the food; it’s about bringing a sense of intimacy into a relationship. Unfortunately, if your partner is disrespectful of your efforts, things can quickly go downhill.

redditor Brilliant-Ad793 knows this from personal experience. This 27 year old woman stretched out to the Am I The A-Hole community to seek advice after a relationship dispute with her 41-year-old boyfriend. A few weeks ago, he asked what she was cooking for dinner, and when he heard the answer, he began to openly express his displeasure.

You see, the user wanted to cook something from the leftovers in the refrigerator, but, apparently, this was not enough for the man. Instead of acting like a mature adult, he called her a “terrible girl” and accused her of leaving him to “starve”. Feeling insecure, the woman began to doubt herself and her actions, so she turned to the Internet for perspective. Read the whole story and rate the situation in the comments!

A woman recently got into an argument with her boyfriend over cooking with leftovers.

Image credits: Helmis Bartulis (not real photo)

After being called a “terrible girl”, she reached out to people online to assess the situation.

Image credits: Charles Koh (not real photo)

We do not have to agree with our partners on everything, but we must respect them. Gratitude is one way to offer our loved ones the value they need, so when gratitude isn’t enough, problems start piling up in relationships. However, sometimes our attachment to a person can cause us to overlook or even ignore these negative behaviors. “If we’ve been taught not to recognize disrespectful behavior as our wrong upbringing or abusive relationships, we may not even notice that this is happening,” relationship coach MarthaFounder MyCoachMarchsaid

“With enough repetition of contempt, name-calling, intimidation, or any other form of insult, we stop treating them. Our internal system starts to recognize this as familiar and therefore perceives it as normal and safe (even if something is outright dangerous). Red flags don’t feel red when they feel at home,” she added.

When it comes to Glittering-Ad793’s situation, her boyfriend’s actions can say a lot about how he sees their partnership. “Even if we acknowledge his presumption of doubt and assume that her tone of voice was caustic or condescending when she suggested leftovers for dinner, or that the situation brought out something traumatic from his past, his reaction was still emotionally immature and emotional. an abusive person,” Martha explained.

People in healthy relationships would react differently, she says. The reaction of a loving partner will sound something like this: “I know we have this in the refrigerator, but the leftovers make me a little disgusted. I appreciate the offer, but I’ll just go to the store and quickly buy something fresh. What do you want me to give you?” Martha noted that the way he spoke to her “doesn’t give the impression that he is very attached to her or thinks of her as an equal partner.”

When our partners are behaving in a highly irrational way, it’s important to communicate our boundaries and ask for behavior change, states the relationship coach. When we want to set healthy boundaries and talk about them with our loved ones, we must be clear about what will happen if our partner does not respect them.

“If a person violates the expressed boundaries, we must follow through with the consequences. For example: ‘When you speak or act in this way towards me, I feel offended and disrespectful. I understand that this may not be your intention, and I ask that you be careful with your words and tone. If this happens again, I will leave the conversation. This is what I do because I care about our relationship and I hope you understand how important this is to me.,'” she offered.

However, if the offensive behavior is repeated, we must apply the consequences by doing what we stated by setting the boundary in the first place. “I can’t stress enough how important boundaries are to healthy relationships, everyone, not just romantic ones,” Martha added.

Redditors overwhelmingly sided with the user, here’s what they said

Many commentators noted that the boyfriend’s actions were immature despite being a grown 41-year-old man. Some even wondered if the age difference between them could be the reason for the way he treated her. “A 14-year age difference can be significant, or it can be insignificant, depending on the reasons and intentions behind it,” Marta told us. “Many couples with large age gaps have healthy, loving relationships. However, sometimes we choose partners who are significantly younger or older than us because of past traumas, unmet needs, low self-esteem, or a desire to have more control over a partner.”

“I am afraid in this situation that it will be easier for him to manage a junior partner, and such behavior will get away with him. If she also chose him because of her injury, we are seeing an unbalanced and tumultuous relationship dynamic.”

Martha said the story was disturbing. She hopes the woman has someone to turn to who can help bring her attention to the unhealthy habits she seems to be in. eating crackers, and that she might have gone to the store instead, which to me indicates that guilt may be a recurring theme for her in this relationship,” she concluded.

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