I was buying children’s clothes and wanted to throw myself out of a mall in Dubai – I think I have PTSD, says Becky Vardy.

FORGIVENESS Rebecca Vardy extended an olive branch to Coleen Rooney despite losing their libel battle, saying, “I’d take her out for coffee.”

The mom-of-five says she’s suffering from PTSD after a grueling High Court trial, but has no ill will towards ex-girlfriend Colleen.

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Rebecca Vardy extends olive branch to Coleen Rooney despite defeat in libel battleCredit: Louis Wood
Becky says she has no ill will towards ex-girlfriend Colleen

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Becky says she has no ill will towards ex-girlfriend Colleen1 credit

She says: “If I saw her on the street tomorrow, I would ask her if she would like to go to Caffe Nero.

“Life is too short to be offended, hold grudges and be angry with someone. It’s not me. I’m not that person.”

However, the attacker’s wife, Jamie, scolds the trial judge and says she was “shamed as a slut” and bullied in a harrowing trial.

In an emotional interview, she reveals how she was about to jump off the top floor of the mall after Colleen publicly accused her of leaking stories.

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Becky, who was pregnant at the time, says: “I think my worst moment was when I was in Dubai trying to catch a plane to get home from my vacation early.

“I knew what I was coming back to – I just knew that there would be vicious hatred everywhere.

“At the time Jamie and I were at the mall shopping for kids clothes and I just thought, ‘I don’t want to go through this, I don’t want to live like this.

“For a split second, I said to Jamie, ‘I feel like I just want to jump off that top floor.’

“It was devastating for him to see me go through this, but also so hard to know how to support my wife when she goes through something like this. It was a low point.”

Becky reveals she has been hospitalized twice for mental health issues since the Wagata Christie scandal broke in October 2019.

She visited several counselors and was given medication to relieve her anxiety. Subsequently, Becky was diagnosed with depression and put on antidepressants, which she has now stopped.

Sipping a glass of water, she says, “I had severe panic attacks. I had stress-induced kidney stones and just felt like my life was falling apart. Physically, emotionally and mentally, it was exhausting.

“It was draining. I had to go to the hospital a couple of times because they were very concerned about my mental well-being.

“And after the court case, I think that I probably have PTSD – I feel physically sick when I talk about the trial and what happened, and I have nightmares. I haven’t gone to get a diagnosis yet, but I know I probably need more therapy. It was a terrible time.”

Becky, visibly nervous about her first home interview in four years, remains remarkably calm as she discusses Colin. Instead, her animosity is strongly directed towards a female High Court Judge, Ms Justice Karen Stein.

She sighs, “The way the cross-examination was done was monstrous. In all my life I have never felt so intimidated, manipulated and ashamed of things that have nothing to do with this case.

“I was ashamed of the whore. I was ashamed of what I did 20 years ago or more. I felt offended.

“I felt like I did something terrible. At times I felt like a killer, and in the end I was not given the opportunity to answer questions. They were manipulated, they were perverted, and I was bullied. It was disgusting.”

But she says, “I don’t regret anything. The only thing I would change is that it looked like it was caused by narrative bias. But in terms of regret and that we’ve come this far, no.” She was also unimpressed by the phrase “Wagata Christie”, which she calls “demeaning”.

Life is too short to be offended, hold grudges and be angry with someone. It’s not me. I’m not that person.

She adds: “It’s all misogyny, isn’t it? It is “women should not be allowed to defend themselves”, “women should not be allowed to do this”, “they should not be allowed to do that”.

“No one says, ‘Oh, Johnny Depp shouldn’t be spending all this money on legal fees.’ Nobody asks him questions. The women just won the Euro! Why does this sexist language continue?

“It also seems pretty classic — like people are feeding off two successful working-class women together. It’s so patronizing.”

Becky lost friends and fans after Colleen’s high-profile post, but shrugs: “Anyone who is considered a lost friend wasn’t. I have a very small circle.

“I have always had a very small circle. I don’t really mix with football because I don’t like to cross the line of Jamie’s work and our life together. We like to keep it separate.

“As for other wives and girlfriends, yes, I am still friends with some. Many of them came to me for advice. Many have asked me many things.

“I gave a lot of advice to some people, whose names I will not name. I know a lot of things … but I am silent. Karma comes in due time.”

Asked if she really offered Colleen a place to stay when she and her husband Wayne were having problems, she chuckles, “What time was that?”

Becky continues, “Yes. And it was sincere. An act of solidarity. To say, “Look, I’m here if you need me. What you’re going through is terrible and I wouldn’t want anyone to go through this.”

Becky says: “It’s a bit of a bitter pill, but life goes on. This is not my topic. I don’t want to look at people and think, “Well, I did it for you, so you had to do it for me.”

When their husbands played for England, Colin and Becky were often seen together in the crowd.

During the trial, witness Colin testified that former I’m A Celeb contestant Becky deliberately sat behind the Liverpool player during the Euro 2016 clash with Wales.

Anyone who is classified as a lost friend was not a friend anyway. I have a very small circle. I have always had a very small circle. I don’t mix much with football because I don’t like to cross Jamie’s line of work and our life together.

It was alleged that Becky and her pals were asked to move after they allegedly pinched seats belonging to an FA family liaison officer.

Becky vehemently denies the “ludicrous” claim and says of Colleen, “I wouldn’t say we were close. We sent each other gifts when our children were born. I invited them to our wedding and they sent a wedding present.

“She congratulated me on my pregnancy in August… that was two months before she posted what she did.

“I felt sorry for Colin. I felt sorry for her because there was so much negative press. And not because I tried to get personal information from her.

“I didn’t care. I tried to support me, as I hope people would support me.”

Colleen went to court every day in a plastic gray airboot after the fall at home. When I ask Becky if Colin is “milking the moon shoe,” she laughs, “Oooh, I couldn’t [comment]…!”

Becky says she “contacted” Colleen in November 2021 but received no response. However, she insists she is still open to reconciliation.

She explains: “My outlook on life is such that I won’t let things consume me and destroy me – I don’t have any bad feelings for Colin.

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“And I know it sounds weird after everything that’s happened, but it’s not. Right or wrong, she did what she did for her own reasons.

“All I can say is that I wish she had done differently and her timing was terrible. But, you know, I don’t (blame) her – I’m aiming for the process, and the judge ends up wrong.”

Becky burst into tears at Heathrow after returning from Dubai

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Becky burst into tears at Heathrow after returning from DubaiCredit: AJM/RPPIX/SPLASH
She says she was tempted to jump off the top floor of a mall in town.

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She says she was tempted to jump off the top floor of a mall in town.1 credit
Rebecca's hostility is strongly directed towards a female High Court Judge, Ms Justice Karen Stein.

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Rebecca’s hostility is strongly directed towards a female High Court Judge, Ms Justice Karen Stein.1 credit

You are not alone: ​​where to turn for help if you need it

If you or someone you know needs help with mental health issues, the following organizations can provide support for you:

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