Once you lose someone’s trust, it will be very difficult or even impossible to get it back. And it looks like a Reddit user Sandy20994 (who for the sake of this article we will simply call Sandy) the husband may have crossed that line.
A couple of days ago, a woman introduced Mail To the platforms ‘I [Jerk]?‘, asking if she made a mistake by unplugging it from their Wi-Fi, but as her story went viral, more and more people began to suggest that there were more problems in their relationship.
They believe that the Internet dispute is just the tip of the iceberg, and it’s best to start with months of lies – Sandy’s husband told her he was fired, but a few months later she found out that he actually quit himself.
Keep scrolling to read what the woman had to say about her marriage and let us know what you think of it in the comments.
Image credits: Timur Weber (photo not real)
Image credits: Porapak Apiholok (photo not real)
People unanimously said that the woman was no jerk, and many of those who shared their views on the situation added that she should probably reconsider her marriage altogether. Mostly because of the dishonesty of her husband.
Perhaps there is some truth in their words. Despite the fact that we all lie for the good, such as: “I’m fine,” when in fact it is not, and praise unwanted gifts, like Darlene Lancera licensed marriage and family therapist who has treated individuals and couples for 30 years notes that in intimate relationships, emotional honesty is a must.
“Honesty is more than just not lying.” – Lancer writes in Psychology today. “Deception includes ambiguous or vague statements, half-truths, manipulating information by underlining, exaggerating or minimizing, and hiding feelings or information that is important to someone who has a right to know because it affects the relationship and deprives that person. freedom of choice and conscious action”.
Although we may consider ourselves honest, the therapist believes that few of us reveal all our negative thoughts and feelings towards loved ones, since it takes real courage to be vulnerable and sincere.
Lancer says that when, why, and how we disclose information are all important factors. “Timing, impact and our motives must be carefully considered. Full disclosure may be necessary to repair a broken marriage. Research also shows that people with good self-esteem and a high opinion of their partner are more likely to forgive him or her. However, what are good reasons to solve a case that ended a long time ago, or an ongoing case that we have no intention of ending? In the first case, to deepen mutual closeness? In the second case, to avoid this or provoke a divorce that we are afraid to initiate? Revealing our dissatisfaction with the relationship may be a necessary conversation that, had it been communicated sooner, would have prevented an affair.”
For all involved, the pain of secrecy is exacerbated by the pain of the initiating event, and the longer the deception continues, the more it damages self-esteem. Ideally, before revealing the truth to the person we lied to, it is helpful to accept our mistakes; otherwise, our shame and guilt can become a barrier to genuine empathy for the person we have harmed. First, talk to someone who is non-judgmental, someone you trust, or seek counseling. If we have forgiven ourselves, it will be easier for us to answer questions and face the anger and resentment we have caused.
“When the truth comes out, it is often instructive. This can help the other person understand previously unexplained or confusing behavior. At the same time, it can be devastating and traumatic to discover that someone we loved and trusted has betrayed us,” explains Lanser. “It can destroy our idea of a partner, as well as our confidence in ourselves and even in reality itself.”
Unfortunately, in thinking she was wrong, the author of the Wi-Fi story proved what is often sad when it comes to victims of betrayal. They often blame themselves.
“If the relationship does not work out, both partners are obliged to declare themselves and solve problems. While it can be helpful to study our behavior to learn from it, we are never responsible for anyone’s actions or inactions,” adds Lancer.
Let’s hope Sandy sorts things out.
Here’s what people said when they found out what happened