The lady makes a scene after accusing the widower of being “deceiving” by wearing a wedding ring and asks the internet if she’s a jerk

Have you ever been the type to make everyone in the room suddenly freeze, their puzzled gazes pointing in your direction after being asked about something that seemed completely normal at the time?

When u / Ideal-Mind3099, a 32-year-old woman, decided to ask her new colleague “James”, a newly widowed woman, about a wedding ring on his finger, things went in the opposite direction from what she had expected. Annoyed by the fact that he gave people the wrong idea about his status in relationships, the author of the book story could not help but share my opinion with James.

After causing a very uncomfortable lunch break, getting a reaction she didn’t even expect, Ideal-Mind3099 reached out to the Am I The A-Hole subreddit to see if her morally questionable approach or her colleagues’ interpersonal skills were to blame.

Annoyed that her fellow widower’s wedding ring was giving the wrong impression, the woman decided to tell him about it, and the situation spiraled out of control.

Image credits: Jonathan Francisca (photo not actual)

Image credits: Perfect Mind 3099

After all, dealing with the loss of loved ones is one of the most excruciating experiences that people constantly face. In fact, the level of anxiety and pain that grieving spouses have to deal with is so high that it is considered the highest stress level for Perceived stress scale the person must go through. This is why “many people usually don’t know how to choose the right words or feel uncomfortable touching an object” Fred Colby– said the co-founder of the Pathways Men’s Grief Group and the author of the book “From Widower to Widower.” Bored panda

As someone who has lived through such a devastating loss – a beautiful marriage lasting nearly 50 years – Colby is well aware of the daily challenges grieving widowers face. “Most men tend to be alone. And I know that for many of us, taking off the ring is an act of disrespect. ” In his opinion, “James” is going through what he calls a “deep grief” phase, the most difficult of all, and it is perfectly normal for the ring to remain on his finger.

“Many of us, including me, have a hard time imagining our wives,” Colby explained, adding that “James” probably wears it for her memory and to show that he is still devoted to his wife.

Although he knows better than most people that grieving widowers can be socially awkward, and this whole topic is a minefield of conversation; Colby thinks this story is a good example for others about how we sometimes tend to misjudge our understanding of what is socially acceptable when we are grieving or going through a difficult time. “I’m afraid the lady poisoned the well all over the workplace for James. If only she was gone that alone they could become friends. “

Everyone agreed that the lady had to keep it to herself.

Whatever the author’s intentions, Colby reminded us not to expect too much of the mourner in the first year. “Just be a friend, and then maybe when the gentleman is healed, he can make a real connection.” Small steps, as he put it.

Colby also advises allowing the widows to tell the story themselves, as this is part of the healing process. But for those who want to start a difficult conversation themselves, to help a friend or colleague overcome this barrier, there are several ways to approach it.

In accordance with Edie Nathan, the famous psychotherapist and author of the books “This is grief: the dance of self-knowledge through trauma and loss” and today’s column “Psychology”.Tales of grief‘, the first step is to get them to imagine what it would be like to take it off. “I see you are still wearing your ring. What will your partner think if you take him off or leave him? “Are some of the pertinent questions Nathan asks readers of, reminding everyone that” there is no right or wrong timetable for when to remove the ring. “

Of course, this does not mean that all of this will help you avoid the conversational traps when talking with the mourning person. As Nathan told us, each case is different. “There is no right answer here. Many of them grieve in such a way that it is not only difficult, but also complicated by other factors. ” Like Colby, she said that many people who are going through the most tumultuous times of their lives, especially men, tend to turn to controlled substances or accidental adultery to relieve their pain.

Although there is no room for a silver lining when it comes to grief, Nathan argues that people’s understanding has changed. “I believe there has been a change in the last generations of men.” Based on his experience, Nathan sees that more and more widowers are looking for the truth. “They want to respect their emotions and we can see that in the way they respond to the work / life / joy balance.”

Finally, Colby gives us his last piece of advice: “Just be understanding. At least that’s what we can do. “

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