“What Are Some Immediate Red Flags In Men That Women Should Look Out For?” (31 Answers)

Whether we like it or not, the first impression really does matter. We tend to make a whole bunch of immediate judgments about people within the first few seconds of meeting them. The way they dress, how they smile, the way they speak, and their body language all quickly add up into a broad picture of what we think about the person… and if we date them. And even though some initial impressions end up being false, quite a few of them turn out to be right on the money.

Redditor u/xDarkPhoenix8161x created a viral thread on r/AskReddit where they asked men to share some of the biggest red flags that women should look out for in men they might want to date. The responses were incredibly honest and give an unfiltered glimpse into the insecurities and toxicity that some men carry with them throughout their lives.

Scroll down to read what people said, Pandas, and if you’d like to share some other immediate red flags people should be wary of, feel free to do so in the comments. And above everything, just remember to trust your gut: if you instinctively know something might be wrong, it probably is.

Dating expert Dan Bacon, the founder of The Modern Man project, explained to KristenBellTattoos.com what it means if a guy doesn’t want to introduce his girlfriend to his family and friends. He also shared his thoughts about how men who always see themselves as victims can move on from this and develop genuine confidence and learn to take responsibility for their actions. 

“If a man is serious about a woman, he will almost always want to introduce her to his family or friends within the first few months,” he told us. Scroll down to have a read through Dan’s insights.

Tried to find a less common one.

For people looking for a long term partner:

Beware when someone complains about everything and is seemingly the victim in every situation.

This is the type of person that will very quickly blame you if anything goes wrong, and is likely s******g on you to other people already. Secondly, it means you will be perpetually drained by the negativity over the long haul.

Kurupt-FM-1089 , Keira Burton Report

Dan, the mastermind behind The Modern Man and an expert in dating and relationships, told KristenBellTattoos.com that there are some exceptions to introducing your girlfriend to your social circle. “There can be times when he won’t introduce her to them for much longer, even though he is serious about the relationship and loves her.” Context is important.

He gave some examples: 

  • “There is drama in his family that he doesn’t want her to be aware of.
  • His family doesn’t respect him, or treat him well and he doesn’t want to be embarrassed in front of them.
  • He’s not close to his family and doesn’t see them as important in his life. 
  • His ex-girlfriend caused a lot of problems for him and his family, so he wants to spend more time with his new girlfriend before introducing her. 
  • He has a personal belief that a woman should only be introduced to his family if he intends to marry her and he’s not quite sure about marrying her yet.”

There’s also no set time, when we ‘should’ introduce our partners to the people we care about most. “It’s more of a gut instinct. If it feels right, do it. If it doesn’t, then delay it,” Dan said to trust our gut.

“What Are Some Immediate Red Flags In Men That Women Should Look Out For?” (31 Answers) This is one most women learn themselves around high school but still worth mentioning now. If he’s an a*****e to everyone but you, that doesn’t mean he thinks you’re special. It means he is an a*****e but knows how to not be an a*****e in order to get laid.

SmartAlec105 , Trinity Kubassek Report

“What Are Some Immediate Red Flags In Men That Women Should Look Out For?” (31 Answers) Pushing small boundaries that aren’t a “big deal.” Then, once called out on it, backpedaling, apologizing for it and then DOING IT AGAIN.

MusicalNerDnD , SHVETS production Report

Meanwhile, we really wanted to get to grips with the fact that some guys blame everyone else but themselves when something goes wrong. KristenBellTattoos.com was interested to get the dating expert’s thoughts on victimhood and confidence.

“Unfortunately, some people never get past that level of personal development and as a result, ruin relationships their entire life. It really takes a lot of motivation and follow-through to overcome that kind of behavior, which a lot of people simply don’t have,” Dan, from The Modern Man, was candid that this level of change takes massive amounts of effort and time.

“However, if a man were to have that kind of motivation and willingness to follow through, he should set goals for himself and work towards achieving them no matter what. When he does that, he will begin to realize the amount of personal control and influence he has over his life,” he said.

“A man like that will rarely overcome his victim mentality the first time he achieves a goal though. In almost all cases, he’ll need to keep achieving goals and will then gradually become a man who feels totally accountable for his life and doesn’t need to play the victim and blame others for his problems, or lack of success,” dating expert Dan noted that it’s a long process and deep change won’t happen overnight. However, that still sounds motivational and optimistic to us.

“What Are Some Immediate Red Flags In Men That Women Should Look Out For?” (31 Answers) Refusing to admit that they could possibly be wrong. I have seen many men get super frustrated and aggressive over the idea that they could be possibly wrong about something.

To add onto this, many of these same men when presented with the proof of them being wrong they will either deflect or make it seem like it doesn’t matter and that *you* were “making such a big deal about this”.

We are all humans and we all make mistakes. I feel for many of these men they feel stupid and less “manly” if they are wrong about something. Being able to accept your mistakes and move on is a healthy trait.

Jomanderisreal , Alex Green Report

“What Are Some Immediate Red Flags In Men That Women Should Look Out For?” (31 Answers) If he talks about his ex too much. As someone who was in love with an ex for way too long, I was not ready for a relationship with anyone else.

swervin87 , Priscilla Du Preez Report

Some guys have a very hard time admitting when they’re wrong and taking responsibility for their actions. They’re always the victim. They’re super defensive. And they’re always right—it’s everyone else who’s wrong. It’s really no way to live because you’re smothering your potential, existing in fear, and lashing out at the people closest to you.

Previously, fitness expert and entrepreneur Jack Bly, from the US, shared his thoughts with KristenBellTattoos.com on the importance of self-reflection, improvement, confidence, and moving past a victim mentality.

“Do one thing and progress at it to prove you’re not a victim. Lift weights. Help someone. Advance your career. Have a successful relationship. When you’re successful in one area, you build confidence in yourself and that will translate to all of your life,” he explained to us that building confidence starts with small steps. That’s the way to stop being a victim, according to him.

Fitness expert Jack noted that we all need time to adjust to the positive changes we’re making in life. “Your brain needs proof around your new identity,” he said.

According to him, real confidence is a skill that anyone can learn. However, it’s something that will take persistence, patience, and time. It won’t happen overnight.

“Confidence comes from repetition and mastery. The more you do ANYTHING, the more confident you become. The good news about this is everyone is capable of earning confidence,” he told KristenBellTattoos.com.

Self-reflection, for the fitness expert, is a vital component of improving one’s life. “Responding to failure is all about the story we tell ourselves. Do you tell yourself that you are a failure? Or do you tell yourself you failed, have now gotten feedback, and know how to get better? It’s all our perspective,” he stressed that how we think, how we see ourselves, shapes who we are and how we act.

Embracing failure and seeing our mistakes as learning opportunities is the mature way of responding to what life might throw at us. Instead of throwing a temper tantrum or blaming ourselves for being ‘failures,’ we ought to realize that everything’s a temporary setback that we can definitely overcome.

“What Are Some Immediate Red Flags In Men That Women Should Look Out For?” (31 Answers) I defer to Chris Rock: If you have been dating a guy for four months and you haven’t met any of his friends, you are not his girlfriend.

GotMoFans , Helena Lopes Report

Inability to clean up after themselves or do common household tasks

Wudchuck Report

“What Are Some Immediate Red Flags In Men That Women Should Look Out For?” (31 Answers) If he agrees with everything you say, it’s likely that he’s not being himself and that he’s telling you what he thinks you want to hear which he thinks may help him get what he wants

GranTorin0 , Helena Lopes Report

One saying I’ve always lived by is: Pay attention to how they treat waitresses. How they treat waitresses today is how they will treat you in 6 months.

b-monster666 Report

“What Are Some Immediate Red Flags In Men That Women Should Look Out For?” (31 Answers) Goes for both sexes… If the person has no hobbies. Now you are their new hobby.

blueboy664 Report

“What Are Some Immediate Red Flags In Men That Women Should Look Out For?” (31 Answers) Does he talk about always being ready to fight if necessary? Then he’s a lunatic. Well adjusted people in things like MMA don’t want to fight randomly and don’t seek it out outside of the sport of it. Half the point is to have a place for your aggression in a controlled setting.

jl_theprofessor , Bahaa A. Shawqi Report

A man that blames everyone else for his problems, lack of job, lack of friends, money, etc.

Somene that is unwilling to take personal responsibility for improving his situation in life.

dheffe01 Report

If his first reaction to any type of minor conflict is anger. Here, when I mean conflicts I mean little things – disagreeing with a fact stated, where to have dinner, minor customer service issues.

If the first tool they reach for is anger for minor things, that is the tool they will always reach for first. People change, but this is a pretty fundamental personality aspect and unlikely outside of intervention.

crazyrich Report

If he doesn’t put in an effort to make you happy. It doesn’t have to make you happy whatever he does but the fact he’s putting in the effort means he truly cares about you enough that he cares about your mental health as well. Goes both ways.

Positive_Balance620 Report

“What Are Some Immediate Red Flags In Men That Women Should Look Out For?” (31 Answers) Calls himself a feminist and apologizes on behalf of men. Political nice guy red flag. Bonus points if he apologize for being a man himself. He’s trying to get in someone’s pants.

This is not a call out of men who are feminist but those that wear the label but only engage in call out hot takes ie feels good in the moment but does the opposite of helping anything.

firekstk , RODNAE Productions Report

“What Are Some Immediate Red Flags In Men That Women Should Look Out For?” (31 Answers) Sexual pressure after you directly reject an advance. Healthy people with your interests in mind only need to hear no one time and are respectful of boundaries if they bring it up again in the future.

freemason777 , cottonbro Report

These apply to everyone not just men.


“What Are Some Immediate Red Flags In Men That Women Should Look Out For?” (31 Answers) Suddenly flying off the handle at a minor inconvenience. It’s one thing to stub your toe at the end of a bad day and give the table a whack. It’s another if every moment of stress or misfortune triggers rage.

thesaga , Vera Arsic Report

I’ll die on this hill: every man I’ve ever known who was an *outspoken* feminist was horrible to women behind the scenes.

tenaciousDaniel Report

His hyper focus on money. While this might be a plus in some women’s opinion, this can also be a HUGE red flag.

I knew some men that was so focused on money they tried to put a price on everything, even a woman, her actions, her respect and what he is allowed to do simply because he pays for it.
This has serious ramifications due to him keeping track of everything he does for a woman and coming up with some weird idea that you owe him when things start to fall apart in the relationship.
Just keep an eye out.🚩🚩🚩

Brown_bear82 Report

Avoid people who are very polite and charming when they *want* something from those ‘above’ them, but are arrogant and demanding when they think they can *take* something from those ‘below’ them.

People who ‘smile up’ and ‘kick down’ are the worst.

CiderDrinker Report

If he is overtly angry when you talk to other people, (specifically other men) that’s a major red flag and he’s probably gonna start to be possessive over you by not letting you talk to anyone else.

daddytoelicker Report

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